Duties toward your children
The primary claim of a child on his family is that his ears, and through his ears, his head and heart is made acquainted with the Name of God, His oneness and the Call of Faith. This is done, by sounding the azan and iqamah in the newborn's ears.
The Prophet [s] has enjoined the saying of azan and iqamah in the baby's ears at the time of birth and the offering of janazah prayers at the time of his burial when he is dead. Therefore a Muslim's life begins and ends with the name of Allah.
A hadith narrated by Abu Rafey [ra], 'I saw the Prophet [s] saying the azan in the ear of his grandson, Hasan ibn Ali, when the child was born to his daughter Fatima.'
One of the manifestations of the deep devotion the companions had for the Prophet was that when a child was born in the family, they brought it to him so that he might bless it, and apply on its palate, the pulp of a date etc. The date [or any sweet thing] should be chewed to make it easier for the babe to swallow. This is called tahnik.
Narrates Ayesha [ra] that 'people used to bring their [newborn] children to the Prophet [s], and he [s] would bless them and perform the ceremony of tahnik.
From this we learn that when a child is born in a Muslim home, it should be taken to a god-fearing person to receive his blessings and have the tahnik done. It is one of the Sunnah, which have sadly become extinct.
In almost all the communities of the world, the birth of a child is considered a blessing, and a ceremony is held to celebrate this event. Besides being natural, it also serves a purpose. It makes it known that the father has accepted the child as his own and there is no doubt or suspicion in his mind concerning it. The custom of aqiqa was observed even in the days of ignorance [yawm al jahiliyyah] for this very purpose.
It is related on the authority of Buraydah, that when during the days of ignorance, a child was born, we used to slaughter a goat and smear the head of the child with its blood. Later, after the dawn of Islam, our practice became (on the advice of the Prophet [s]), that we sacrifice a goat of aqiqa, on the seventh day of the birth of the child, and shave the head of the infant, and apply saffron on it.'
It is related by Abdullah ibn Amr bin al As that the Prophet [s] said, 'To whomsoever a child is born, and he wants to perform the sacrifice of aqiqa on behalf of it, he should sacrifice two goats for a boy and one goat for a girl.'
According to the above tradition, we conclude that aqiqa is not obligatory, but is recommended. In the same way it is not necessary to sacrifice two goats for a male child. It is, of course, better to sacrifice two goats provided one can afford it.
A child has the right that he is given a good meaningful name and not names that are related to evil, lethargy etc.
Abu Darda relates that the Prophet [s] said, 'on the Day of Resurrection, you will be called out by your name, and the name of your father. [The call will be so-and-so, son of so-and-so]. So, give good names.
It is related by Abdullah bin Omar that the Prophet [s] said, 'Among your names, the most liked of God are Abdullah and Abdul Rahman.' Also, the names of Prophets [pbut] are highly recommended by the Prophet [s].
All the prophets [pbut], and lastly the Prophet Muhammad [s] have stressed that the brief sojourn of man is the beginning of an Everlasting Life. It, therefore, follows that a great attention is paid to the betterment of prospects in the life to come.
It is related by Saeed bin al-As that the prophet [s] said, 'No father gave a better gift to his children than good manners and good character.'
It is related by Ibn Abbas that the Prophet [s] said, 'Make your children say, first of all, 'la ilaha illallah' [there is no god (worthy of worship) but Allah] i.e. let these be his first words and exhort them to be their last words at the time of death.'
It is narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr al-As that the Prophet [s] said, 'when your children attain the age of seven, insist they offer salah [regularly], and when they are ten years old, punish them if they don't pray, and have separate beds for them to sleep on.
The parents will be questioned on the Judgement Day as to what character they instilled in their children.
Even now daughters are considered an unwanted burden in some societies and instead of rejoicing, an atmosphere of grief and disappointment is produced in the family at their birth.
Allah says, 'when one of them receives tidings of the birth of a female, his face darkens and he is filled with inward grief.
With shame he hides himself from the folk because of the bad news he has had. "Shall he keep it in contempt, or bury it beneath the dust" O what an evil they plan on.' [Nahl 16: 58-59]
It is narrated that a very poor woman, with two daughters came to Ayesha's [ra] place to beg. By chance Ayesha [ra] had only one date with her at that time which she gave to the woman. The woman broke the date into two parts and gave one part each to the two daughters. She did not eat any of it. Later, when the Prophet [s] got home, Ayesha [ra] narrated the incident. He remarked, 'the bondwoman or bondsman upon whom is the responsibility of daughters and he or she discharges it well and treats them with affection, the daughters will become for him or her a saviour from the Hell-Fire.
Abu Saeed Khudri relates that the Prophet [s] said, 'whoever beras the responsibility of three daughters or sisters, or even two daughters of sisters, and bears it well, and looks after their training and welfare properly, and then gets them married, Allah will reward him with Paradise.'
Treating all your children equally, besides being desirable, also meets the demands of justice and equity, which is pleasing to the Almighty. Apart from it, if discrimination is made among children and one is favoured more, it will lead to ill will and nothing good will ever come out of it.
Narrates [hadith] Noman bin Bashir, 'my father took me to the Prophet [s] and said, "I have given a slave to this son of mine." The Prophet [s] asked, "Have you given the same to all of your sons?" My father said, "No, I have given only to him." The Prophet said, "It is not correct, take it back." '
In another hadith the Prophet said, ' I cannot be witness to any injustice."
It is related by Abdullah ibn Abbas that the Prophet [s] said, 'Treat all your children equally in regard to free giving. Were I to show preference in this matter, I would show it to women, i.e. daughters [if equality was not necessary and binding, I would have decreed that more be given to daughters than to sons.'
However, under certain circumstances where the child is physically handicapped or has devoted his life for the cause of Islam, which leaves him no time for earning a decent livelihood, it is not only permissible but also worthy of Divine reward that they are treated more generously than the other children.
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It is the duty of the parents to arrange for the marriage of their children when they come of age. The Prophet [s] has stressed that it should be taken seriously and with a full sense of responsibility.
Abu Saeed al Khudri and Abdullah ibn Abbas narrated, '… and arrange for their marriage when they come of age. [If he does not pay due heed to it], and fails to get them married [due to negligence], and they take to ways that are forbidden, the father will be held responsible for it.'
Today, infact, parents have to be extra careful while giving their children away in marraige. The first thought must be given to religion while making a selection for spouse, followed by seeking guidance from Allah [istikhara].
was salamu alaikum
rukaiah
PS: all the ahadith are taken from 'Meaning and Message of the Traditions' by Maulana Muhammad Manzoor Nomani, translated by Muhammad Asif Kidwai
For more information please contact maulvi@emirates.net.ae or visit http://onislam.listbot.com